Halloween: Costumes

It's only 32 days away, and it's time to get prepared! Everyone start working on your costume ideas. I don't necessarily mean absurdly huge productions, but get a good idea and, simple or not, execute it well.

If you're going to be a pirate for example, stop shaving your body immediately. I know this may be difficult to grasp for you ladies, but this is the level of commitment required. Find yourself a ratty tunic and spend one night a week sweating in it and spilling rum down your front. Be sure to let the rum out of your mouth during the last week in order to get the stink/stain on your chin. Next, find a spray bottle and fill it with salt water. Spritz yourself with this 'sea spray' after you shower every other day. This will give your skin the desired texture and smell.

How about if you want to be a ghost? Most critical here is keep your sun exposure to an absolute minimum, as no one ever bought the idea of a bronzed spirit. Rid yourself of all nail polish and gradually claw at the dirt as the days go by, thereby building up a perfectly mature level of digital disgust. Get your hands on a used formal outfit (people dying in their pajamas is horseshit) and begin to 'vintage' it. I recommend laying the outfit on bare earth and covering it with rocks, preferably of a size no greater than a fist. Now pull the outfit out from under the stones, allowing them to tear at the fabric and drive a certain level of dirt into the clothing. Do this repeatedly and be sure to flip it over each time you do this, otherwise you won't have a uniformed treatment.

I have other ideas on costumes, parties, and activities. I'll keep posting as I flesh them out. Everyone get psyched, this year is gonna be wicked awesome!